The Clowns Of The Information War

 Of couple of things happened recently that 'woke' me...and yes, the fact that I put quotes around that tells you how much the world has changed.

Something that has always interested me: Can people tell that the world around them has seriously changed? Folks reading this today would probably think I am writing to complain about 'wokeness', but what I'm really about is that I think we have a hard time remembering anything correctly.

An example was seeing the video "Send In The Clowns" today from a friend. All of a sudden I had a flashback to working at the public library in the 1970's and having to do some serious research for a patron to find out what that song really meant. I never forgot that it really meant 'stick a fork in our relationship now...because it's not happening'...and really the clowns were meant to mean the drama has failed so we resort to comedy. But...now you could know that as quickly as I can, you could listen to every recording ever made of the song, how Sondheim wanted it sung, why he wrote it as questions...everything. I was foretold of this in college that someday wars would be fought over data instead of with guns, that you could get any book instantly...I didn't really believe it, but with all of the ransomware stuff going on, I think my professor, Dr. Burton Wright had a pretty accurate crystal ball.

I don't know that all of this has made us smarter, maybe we offloaded our brains onto our phones, the same way we forgot how to use a sliderule when they invented the  electronic calculator. I can still remember that my father-in-law could do large sums in his head, figuring sales tax, and mainly blowing my mind with his mathematical ability...I don't know anybody that can do that now.

A telling point today, was when somebody was waxing sentimental about the good old days of vinyl records...those were good old days for people that had expensive stereos..and my recollection was that those people would not let you touch their stereo or their records...however, I do remember sitting with one such friend while he played "In The Beginning" By The Moody Blues. As kids, we got to hear the few songs they would play over and over on the local Rock radio station, never something as awesome as this....a song that foretold this future

So....as you watch the video about the Clowns...thinking it is about Trump or Biden...realize it was made long ago.....and listen to this while wondering: If I think, then I am, I think?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AukFsBv2oDY

 

Never Going Back

I just realized that I haven't written here in a very long time. That is for several reasons, one of which is that I have been writing other places. I've been working remote for Wells Fargo almost a year now and the job is sweet. In fact, I cannot imagine setting foot inside a cubicle environment ever again. The work I'm doing now has removed almost every single thing I ever disliked about work. 
1) Does your boss like the work you're doing?  - I don't need no stinking annual review. He doesn't like me, I'm gone the same day.
2) Annoying coworkers? nope
3) Office Politics? pretty difficult without seeing the people all day.

The only thing that is very different is that WF is super business structured, including Scrum meetings, tickets, an online form that must be filled out for anything and everything....but it is so worth it.

Now, if your social life depended on friends at work, or if you can't stand being home with your spouse even one more minute than necessary, this is not for you.

I meet with my friends for lunch and probably the biggest obstacle right now is staying in shape. My running has been on hold pretty much since September because of a knee injury and it's hard keeping the weight off by walking.

My Mom finally passed in January, and those last two months were months I hope to soon forget. There was a lot of suffering and a lot of people behaving badly. The good news was the tea in her honor was a great thing and I learned more about the many people that were in her life besides her family.

Wells Fargo is almost over, or perhaps they will find a way to extend the project, but there is some kind of rule in place now that a company can only keep a contract worker for 18 months. My contract is a year, and I'm good either way. I started Social Security last year and now have to give all of that money back...so, I have to pay 10 grand for working...ouch. 

The projects around the house are backing up, the yard is missing it's yardman, and the women in my family are hard at work on Claywerx, the family art business. They keep me going all weekend, setting up the farmer's markets and I'm now in 2 bands...not bored at all.

Seems like I'm always admiring a simpler life from a distance, and then making absolutely sure I will have no part of it....

After The Fork In The Road...Then What?

Well, I thought it could not be done, but 2016 is working on being the craziest year for me ever, workwise that is. I started the new remote job and found out just what it is like to work project to project, working as my own company, getting money and then saving it for the times when there is no work. It was great, working in shorts and t-shirt in my home office. The local wild animals outside my windows were my new co-workers and my wife got to see more of me than ever before. Lunchtimes were a walk in the local park and the morning evil commute was no longer.
Work was great, I knew how to do the job and the client had needs that I was able to take care of. No stress at all....until project #2 came along. Suddenly, the money was great, the hours were long, and no matter how hard I worked, it wasn't quite enough. I had images of the movie, Swordfish, with a gun to my head while coding, and then images of a cow hooked up to a milking machine. I did some of what I am sure is the best work I have ever done, and I'm not 100% sure that they loved it. I spent a pre-planned vacation at the beach, working 60 hours remotely on my laptop, watching the sunrises on the beach with the beginnings of the stress in my temple before the day had really begun. The best part of that week was that the ocean was totally flat, so there were no missed surfing opportunities.
The project is now over, and I have no immediate work in front of me....how do I feel about that? I forgot to mention that the last two weeks of the project were spent commuting to Tampa to the point that I now know there is probably no time after 6am in the morning that you can expect to get there from my house in less than 2 1/2 hours...in spite of the fact that google maps lists it as a hour and 50 minute commute.

I'm coming off the stress, taking way too many naps and making lists of things that need to be done around here...will I ever just relax? That remains to be seen.....

Another Big Fork In The Road

I knew that I was bad at predicting the future, at least my future. Here I am, I just gave notice on my job. What could I possibly be thinking? The best paying job I've ever had. Good boss, nice environment, friends, what else could I ask for?
And, that was the thing...I needed something big to do. I wanted to create, deliver and support. I wanted to make things that helped people do their jobs.
Instead, my job was trying to make something happen that didn't look like it was going to fly. Perhaps, someday in the future, my project will take off, but when another company offered everything I didn't have right now, it was tough to say no, and in the end, I didn't say no.
I have no idea in the world how I will feel about this 6 months from now, but at this moment, the day I gave notice, it feels like the only smart thing to do.
Clinging on to what I have, is not the way I want to live anymore. I want to reach out, take some chances, make some bold moves.
I am ready.

One Surprise After Another

I thought that 2015 was the craziest year of my life, but 2016 is already proving me wrong. There are things that I cannot write down yet, but I can easily say that I can't predict a week into the future right now. I seriously could be jobless or in my dream job of all time very soon. And...either outcome seems quite possible. Normal sleep is a thing of the past.
This is an example: Yesterday I was asked to present at a small meeting for someone I hadn't met before. I'm starting to get used to this. I go in and like some kind of cross between a salesman and a computer wizard, show them what I can do, and how quickly I can do it with live data right in front of them. Most people in my field are more interested in how they can stretch things out, make a career out of a project. Me? I want to make some money and then go surfing.
So, I'm doing the presentation and the guy seems halfway interested, and my champion in the room tells him I'm the best and can do anything. The stranger seems skeptical, but in the end asks the question, "How much is this gonna cost me?" I tell him, it's a couple of thousand bucks, but we can try cheaper things first to show you what it can do...he goes, "No, I need 100 licenses..."
That probably doesn't sound like anything, but I was hoping to get him to spring for "3".....
If he approves 100 licenses, my world is upside for as long as I can imagine..

January 2016 and There's Another Crossroads

Here it is again, that unforeseeable future looming. There is no way in the world that I can predict what I will be doing a few months from now, but it will not be the same old thing for sure. Work is exciting, music is on the back burner again, and the weather is up and down enough to not make big plans for the weekends. I recently had one of the best surfing days, and it was totally unexpected. A dark gloomy day with wind...who could imagine that I would have a good surf session on a day like that?
Work is shorts bursts of excitement, followed by long periods of boredom. The job market seems to be heating up and my skills are now in demand.
There is this image in my mind of me floating on my back down a river. Do I thank the water for carrying me so soothingly through time, or do I thank the boulders that bruise my head and body? The boulders are the bad bosses I've had through the years, and the naysayers that kept reminding me that I wasn't as sharp as I thought I was. Sure, the boulders didn't have my best interests at heart, but that is what I needed to wake up and see where I was going in life.
Thank you guys, wherever you are now, for getting me to this place..

Maybe It's Because I'm Not Fat?

Many things that I have seen in this life seem like a mirror. I'm seeing somebody else do something that I worry I do just like them.
When the young woman expressed concern that a co-worker didn't like her, she expressed the thought that perhaps it was because the co-worker was obese and she was relatively thin. She went on to explain that most of the person's friends at work were fat, so possibly that could explain it.
It didn't sound impossible, except for one thing: The person explaining this to me is one of the more annoying people I have met. At first, she comes across as friendly, but then you realize that almost all conversations come off as some kind of passive-aggressive attack. Just about everybody that deals with her on a day to day basis, sooner or later explodes to her to just leave them alone. I swear she has the hide of an elephant, because none of that seems to dissuade her from doing these things.
The smart thing to do would be to tell her to stop these behaviors and she could start making friends instead of enemies, but as another co-worked announced, she is doing this wantonly and not by accident.
There are just some things you don't want to hear and others you just don't hear. I'm working harder to remember that.

The Roller Coaster Year Of This Life

It is the middle of December 2015, and this has definitely been the craziest year of my life. I went from layoff to retirement...to the biggest job of my life. In some truly strange twist, this job is not as difficult as my first job working at a car wash when I was 13 years old.
Many times, I wish I was home, taking care of the yard, and then think of how much they are paying me to be at work instead. So, I have money, and not enough time, and I seem to remember having that complaint before.
The Rock City band retired, due to health issues of the leader, and the new band I'm working with Peter Love, seems plagued with health issues as well. All of this stuff has made me realize just how fortunate I am to be healthy right now. Many people my age are not in the greatest shape, and I will not take it for granted. I'm out running every day, but I'm not as fast or strong as I was a few years ago. I think I will just accept that I'm happy that I can still run 5 miles, no matter how long it takes.
The last month has had some strange weather and surfing has been on the back burner. Hopefully that will change in the next few weeks. Oddly, in order to make less money this year, I'm taking a couple of weeks off. I would never have imagined that kind of problem before now.
The future is uncertain, and I would not even venture a guess about six months from now, but I am pretty sure it will not be the same as today. About that, I am excited....

A Turning Point

Today is an important day....the kind of day that keeps you awake at night. I've only had to make a few big moves in life and this will be another one. I can truthfully say that I have no idea where this will go...I should have a big smile on my face when it is over, but there are at least three possible outcomes and I have no idea which one will prevail.
I will say that work was boring and cold for the first month, and then got exciting last week. It really looks like I am the expert they needed for this project and that is a good feeling after my last boss. The rule in life should be: never stick around for a bad boss, hoping that you outlast them...that trick doesn't work...

61 Years On The Planet!

Here it is! It is the time of life I was waiting for. I worked and saved, got hit by the layoff and then: 6 months of the best times ever. And now...I go to work Tuesday. It's not a job by my definition, it is a "Project". In my mind, contract work is a project. I think that there are recruiting folks that would say working without benefits is the new career, but I think it is just a reflection of the bad times.
My new rule? Do not become dependent upon an employer. I actually knew this a while back, but now I'm living my rule. Money that I make will be socked away for the next rainy day that is sure to come.
On the positive side, the Project sounds exciting and I'd like to put my skills to the test. The people are great and I have the Prius for the long commute. The only true unknown is what the I-4 construction will be like. The newspaper is describing the near future as hell-on-wheels, and I will be driving right through the mess...and that's why I call it a 'Project'.
Music seems to be in a holding pattern, while I am surfing, fishing, and being outdoors all that I possibly can. This morning, I am so sore from two weeks at the beach, that I am almost ready for a rainy day to recover. My surfing is reaching a level that I thought once would never happen. I just needed the right equipment and enough days of surfing in a row to hone my skills.
Crazy thing....I still cannot see 6 months into the future...and I am used to it now. I'm working at being right in the moment and just enjoying the now...pretty easy to do when your life is at the beach!

6 Months In

April and plenty of April showers. This morning was to be a surfing trip, but the sky is full of moisture and it's already raining over at the beach. And the waves? They disappeared last night...but there will be many more opportunities.
The job market seems really lukewarm. If the job market is like Craiglist, then what we have right now are guys saying "I'll give you half of what you are asking for it"...without really being sure what it is that they are buying. In other words...pawnshops trying to scarf up things of possible value for resale. What I want is the market where somebody truly wants what you are selling and you come together on a price that makes you both feel satisfied. That has happened recently for me on Craigslist, I just need to see that in the job market as well. I have a funny feeling that what is being said aloud and in print differs from what is really going on. For example, I went on the 'reemployment job site' where they brag that our governor has reduced the unemployed from 551,000 to 81,000...sounds good to me! Then I call the help desk for a problem with the site and get...sorry for the 10+ minute wait time, we are very busy...and then I finally get a rude person that treats me like dirt. I know, I know, what did I really expect? I just kinda thought that with the huge dropoff in business there, I might get, I don't know, a little bit better help?

Five Months In..

Well, it is five months after the layoff. How does it feel? Every day I get up with a list of things to do that I cannot possibly accomplish. Today is a little more relaxed and just maybe I'm starting to get an idea of what one can get done in a day. It's cold and clear out and I'm thinking running and paddleboarding are going to be in the mix. The studio is almost all the way organized and I'm finally getting rid of stuff I don't need on Craigslist. Yesterday, I built a rack to store my surfing gear the way it needs to be stored...it's not that I'm nearing completion or perfection, but I think I can finally see that I'm making a difference in the chaos that has been created by 32 years of living in this house on the run.
Jobwise and business? I now believe that it is still a much tougher time than people would have you believe. I saw a job listed yesterday for something similar to the work I did, but for someone with 3 year's experience, and it paid 36k...I know 20 something's making 70k in the same field. My feeling is that what is wrong right now is too many people fighting for the jobs and it has brought the price down and created this market that may not have a good place for me. This isn't bad though. It is creating an environment where I need to focus and what I can do, versus, "just plug me into the next open cubicle". At some point in life you need to wake up and find out what else you can do. All I can say is that I wake up happy every day, happy that I'm alive and able to enjoy this world...

..and There It Is

Yep, it finally happened: The layoff. My company was good to me, but my boss had been telegraphing to me for a long time that if he could find a way to let me go he would. It wasn't like he was some evil guy, we were just different, and I was part of a legacy crew that he inherited when he took over our division. It is an old story, and probably the major surprise to anyone around, was that I somehow managed to stick around so long. I'm not 100% sure that is due to some strength of mine or perhaps just the willingness to endure.
But...the good news. This is my second layoff from the same company and the first time, in 1999, they caught me flat-footed with a mortgage and two teenage kids at home. Recovering from that, I vowed that no company would ever leave me like that again, and this time they caught me debt-free with a Plan B AND a Plan C. Life may not go as well I as I could like it to be but there will be some certain satisfaction, as a person with good flashlights and fresh batteries must feel when the power goes out for a long time.
I feel charged up myself and am ready for this really big adventure ahead...where do I see myself 5 years from now? Living a life of freedom that most people can only dream of...I hope!

Music Mining..

One of the greatest feelings is finding something that you thought was forever lost. I remember this really strange album from back in the 1970's and dug through my old album covers and there it was. Scratched and warped, I thought all was lost until I found that someone else liked them enough to upload videos and the songs to youtube. The Man In The Jar
Back then I didn't understand how this music made sense but was so different than what else I was hearing at the time. I found a wiki about the Sensational Alex Harvey Band and finally I learned what I needed to know: he had spent a lot of time working with the Theater musical: Hair. When you think of Hair, Jesus Christ Superstar and other rock music theater of the time, then the band's music makes much more sense. The music was created before we had music videos, but his music needed the visual element. I then found that Alex Harvey died in 1982 at 47 years of age. Maybe this is one of those examples where your work lives on after you die and it is possible that the new fans will appreciate the music more than the people of the 1970's...

The Audition

As I sit here half listening to this great guy get a group job interview from some of my colleagues, it strikes me as just how hard it must be to hit just the right note in an audition process. Come on as too friendly: you're annoying, come on as too quiet: you're not a team player. How could one person in a short time, satisfy this diverse group that probably would have trouble together on a bowling outing.
I'm thinking there is no right answer, no great applicant, just lucky accidents that somebody that is cheerful and outgoing gets interviewed by a group that appreciates those qualities. We are not talking about chops, what they bring to the table or anything but looks and personality at this point....makes me think of the many band auditions when you wonder if you were good enough or if you seemed too opinionated or too boring. Truth is, from what I'm seeing and hearing today, you just can't know. There could be five people in the group that think the applicant is the best ever, and one guy thinks, "This guy might be good enough to make me look bad..".
I'm going to remember this at my next audition: that it might truly be impossible to please everyone, and how hard do you really want to try to impress the Grumpy's of this world?

On The Edge Of The Seat

Ah, my favorite place to be: sitting on the edge of my seat. Nothing is settled, everything is ready, but nothing is in motion. It's like the time before a soccer match. Anything could happen today, but please don't let it end in PKs!
Sometimes it kind of sneaks up on me. I look in the mirror and this really old guy looks back at me, nothing much like the little kid that sat in his parent's bedroom, watching the clock and waiting for Santa to arrive. Yet, inside me, that kid is still there, excited about something coming, hoping it is the exciting thing I want, and not just clothes for school.
Actually, when I think about it, the best part of all this is that I still have the potential to get excited, and I am thankful. It all just stretches out like a road in front of me. Not sure where it's going, but I'm plenty interested to see what might be there....

Friday Night, March 14th at Friendly Confines

We have a gig (Rock City) that sounds like a really good time. This is actually my favorite part, savoring the possibilities, the crowd, hitting all the high notes, getting some of those fleeting moments of time on stage that actually are like a runner's high. The diner is a franchise, Friendly Confines, but the building used to McWells. I've never been there, but I've been told that the stage was designed with bands in mind, which is not always the case.
What I'm excited about is that it could be anything. I just watched a science show about "Free Will" and can see how this applies. I cannot control physics, or most things, but I can be as prepared as possible, and that is what I like to do. So, if it's an empty house or standing-room only, I'm ready. I hope you can be there....

Rock City and the Future of Things..

This photo is of me and the boys in Rock City, hanging out in a backroom before we went on stage for a really rare gig for us: playing at a wedding! And let me say, that was no ordinary wedding. The table centerpieces were replicas of silenced automatic pistols, with flowers in them and the groom was about my age, marrying a fairly young woman. Most of the attendees were supposed to be bikers, but truthfully, they seemed like any other group you might see at a wedding. I did notice that it did not take much booze for them to have a good time. It was a night that I will treasure. I only wish that my wife could have been there to see what I saw..
Life right now is truly that phrase: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I'm having a blast performing on stage and doing better at surfing than at any other time of my life. My Mom is sick and work just seems like they would rather not have any old guys working there. Actually all of these things make perfect sense when you stand back, but when you go through them minute by minute, it is not quite as thrilling. I still stand by my thought that the near future is a wide open as it was when I was looking at the end of college and had no idea if I would have a job, get married, have kids, any of it. For all I know right now, I'm looking at the day before I find out just what I'm really capable of in life, or I find out what it's like to be counting your pennies. It's not always exactly what I want to face, but it beats the hell out of BORING....

The Curse of Living in Interesting Times

A stupid boilerplate phrase to ask employees still haunts me from years ago, when Glen Miller, the then director of the Orange County Library system posed it for me during a review: Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?
I came back with the wrong rejoinder: Where do you see ME 5 years from now? His answer, doing the same thing you're doing now....
He was wrong, and he was wrong for both of us. The reason it still haunts me is because of how wrong he was.
I left my job of 22 years and left for a whole different field, working for a company that promised a revolving door of staff coming and going, and included in that promise that no matter what, it wasn't going to be boring.
Glen Miller? He ended up retiring soon after that, under fire from his board, and died from a heart attack only one year into his retirement. It was a huge lesson to me, that when we predict the future, we are mostly saying things will continue on just like they are now...even though we know better.
Essentially, the difference for 2014, is that I would not even dare to predict 6 months into the future. I really have no idea of what is coming except some exciting times, sleepless nights, and the sureness that no matter what...it won't be boring..

A Most Interesting December

This has been a truly unusual month and year. It's probably one of the hottest Decembers on record, but the water is cold enough. Last weekend I surfed in a shorty, and it was enough. There were a few northerners out in the water without wetsuits, but it looked odd.
I injured my arm lifting dumbells too much, and am going on the 3rd week without weightlifting. I guess I thought I was unbreakable, and now I have a clicking forearm that sometimes hurts from just picking up a cup of coffee.
Music is going on, with Rock City averaging 2 gigs a month, which seems to be just often enough that I stay excited about being performance-ready. I have about the best gear setup I could ask for, and all that is left is for me to rehearse enough that I don't have to worry about remembering songs on stage.
If I can find a theme in my writing this year, it is 'be here now', and I'm really working on that. Sometimes there are these lulls, that make you think, hurry up and let's see what happens next. But, just like in music and writing, it is the quiet that prepares you for the exciting parts.
One thing I noticed by sitting quietly when I can, is that everybody really has something of their own to worry about. I tend to think that my problems are the biggest, I mean I know better, but the tendency seems to be that I think there is a simpler existence that most people get to enjoy. It's only when you stop and observe that you see the struggles going on, that you are to see the reality: the struggles are everywhere and constant. Once again today, as I was driving to work, I saw the old guy that looks like he belonged in the Civil War, hobbling down the street. I have jogged by him on the sidewalk, and up close I realized that he is probably my age. Somewhere nearby, he has a family and they worry about him, and they do their best to keep him safe while allowing him the freedom to live the life he can. This is interesting, because I used to just see some old homeless bum that had wandered into the street of my town....