Where Would We Be?

That whole Marvel Comics idea of the multiverse, well it didn’t really start there for me. With me, the kid with the reading problem, it started with Philip K. Dick. If you were a kid that liked to read a lot when I was coming up, you were quickly into adult novels. Sure, I read what passed for young adult books, before they really had that. I can still remember getting excited about Edward Eager’s books about a group of kids finding magic stuff. Looking back, it was kind of like the Disney shows on Sunday night, that featured some wholesome kids, maybe one or two a little older and starting to think that girls and boys might be more interesting than they were the year before. However, once I ran out of those books, it was straight into adult science fiction, where sex, and thoughts about the world and our culture were tossed about. I figured early on that Mr. Dick probably was experimenting with hallucinogens, like those hippies out in California, but I was fascinated by his ideas. How do we know what is real and what is just a dream?

How did I know that this life, the one where everybody was looking at me as the kid whose dad was in POW camp, was the real life? Most science fiction wasn’t all that awesome, and anything made into a movie in those days, was pretty much a drive-in movie. I just now realized that you may not know what a drive-in movie is. They were mediocre movies that were made to show while you were busy walking around the parking lot, getting popcorn, hanging out with friends, or making out in the back seat of the car. Yes, we did sneak people in by hiding them in the trunk…I think everybody did that at least once. This doesn’t mean drive-in movies weren’t watchable, in fact I was probably scarred for life by mom and dad taking me to the drive-in when they showed the island of Dr. Moreau. They told me to lay down in the back of the station wagon and not to look when they warned me. The part where they slowly turned people into animals still haunts my dreams to this day…and then there was the bride of Dracula…just has to get you at just the right age and you’re toast.

Mr. Dick’s science fiction was not like that, and truthfully, I thought he was my secret author and nobody would ever know about him, unless they were a hardcore reader. I had no idea that there were a lot of nerds like me and some would grow up and make big movies. They saw what I saw, if you can’t trust what you see and hear, well that opens up a big can of worms. My favorite book of his was UBIK and I think the movie Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise is pretty much that book.

The idea that has me hooked is one random event begins a path that is radically different than what supposed to happen.

In December 1972, PBS aired a Bill Moyer’s Journal episode about my family, mostly about my mom and her group of MIA and POW wives. They were activists, and the camera crew followed us around for about a week, I think. What still sits heavy with me until this day, is the interview they had me give. They interviewed all of us at separate times, and I vowed to myself, I would not spill my guts on TV like some idiot. I knew the lady in charge was smart, very good at her job, and would be looking for some good stuff…but not getting it from me!

I knew my turn was coming and finally they had to do it at 8am. At this time I was working the night shift at the Tenneco gas station. The one on 436 that was where you turned to go to good old Stonewall Jackson Junior High….now called Roberto Clemente Middle. I think somebody thought that with the population shift, it was kinda odd to have a school named after a Civil War General where 99.9% of the population was from Puerto Rico. But, back then, we didn’t think too hard about the names, not saying we shouldn’t have! I was at that Tenneco, doing one of the most useless jobs there was. I pumped your gas for you. There wasn’t a lot of people getting gas at one am in the morning, so falling asleep on the job in the little kiosk by the gas pump was a large probability. And that what finally ended my career at Tenneco one night when a guy pulled up and said “Do You Know Who I Am!” I didn’t know he was the regional manager, and I was too tired for a witty response, if such a thing existed at that time of day.

So I found myself, sleepless, at 8am in a little roadside park on Lake Underhill, down by where all my schoolmates lived in Azaela Park. I was getting peppered with innocent questions about life as a POW kid, when she came up with, what would you think about your dad coming home and seeing your long hair?

Right that moment, I realized I was in some version of reality. The reality that was supposed to be was I was raised on a military base, saluted the flag every morning, got up and did exercises, and dreamed of being an officer that could bring further glory to the family. Instead, reality was I spent my teen years without a father, living with the civilians, and seeing the military as helpless to bring my dad back home. I felt free, and a life of surfing, living at the beach, and working whatever job could allow me to take off whenever the waves were good. How did I feel about my dad coming home? I was a little bit worried. But, he’d been gone seven years, and nobody was doing anything. Nixon getting on TV talking about carpet bombing Vietnam, but the peace talks had gone nowhere and they were just leaving him there to rot.

Yeah, I told her way too much about how I really felt.

This would be about 1/3 as memorable, except that 2 months later he DID come home and get to see that show…..I was truly in a different universe

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The Clowns Of The Information War

 Of couple of things happened recently that 'woke' me...and yes, the fact that I put quotes around that tells you how much the world has changed.

Something that has always interested me: Can people tell that the world around them has seriously changed? Folks reading this today would probably think I am writing to complain about 'wokeness', but what I'm really about is that I think we have a hard time remembering anything correctly.

An example was seeing the video "Send In The Clowns" today from a friend. All of a sudden I had a flashback to working at the public library in the 1970's and having to do some serious research for a patron to find out what that song really meant. I never forgot that it really meant 'stick a fork in our relationship now...because it's not happening'...and really the clowns were meant to mean the drama has failed so we resort to comedy. But...now you could know that as quickly as I can, you could listen to every recording ever made of the song, how Sondheim wanted it sung, why he wrote it as questions...everything. I was foretold of this in college that someday wars would be fought over data instead of with guns, that you could get any book instantly...I didn't really believe it, but with all of the ransomware stuff going on, I think my professor, Dr. Burton Wright had a pretty accurate crystal ball.

I don't know that all of this has made us smarter, maybe we offloaded our brains onto our phones, the same way we forgot how to use a sliderule when they invented the  electronic calculator. I can still remember that my father-in-law could do large sums in his head, figuring sales tax, and mainly blowing my mind with his mathematical ability...I don't know anybody that can do that now.

A telling point today, was when somebody was waxing sentimental about the good old days of vinyl records...those were good old days for people that had expensive stereos..and my recollection was that those people would not let you touch their stereo or their records...however, I do remember sitting with one such friend while he played "In The Beginning" By The Moody Blues. As kids, we got to hear the few songs they would play over and over on the local Rock radio station, never something as awesome as this....a song that foretold this future

So....as you watch the video about the Clowns...thinking it is about Trump or Biden...realize it was made long ago.....and listen to this while wondering: If I think, then I am, I think?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AukFsBv2oDY

 

Never Going Back

I just realized that I haven't written here in a very long time. That is for several reasons, one of which is that I have been writing other places. I've been working remote for Wells Fargo almost a year now and the job is sweet. In fact, I cannot imagine setting foot inside a cubicle environment ever again. The work I'm doing now has removed almost every single thing I ever disliked about work. 
1) Does your boss like the work you're doing?  - I don't need no stinking annual review. He doesn't like me, I'm gone the same day.
2) Annoying coworkers? nope
3) Office Politics? pretty difficult without seeing the people all day.

The only thing that is very different is that WF is super business structured, including Scrum meetings, tickets, an online form that must be filled out for anything and everything....but it is so worth it.

Now, if your social life depended on friends at work, or if you can't stand being home with your spouse even one more minute than necessary, this is not for you.

I meet with my friends for lunch and probably the biggest obstacle right now is staying in shape. My running has been on hold pretty much since September because of a knee injury and it's hard keeping the weight off by walking.

My Mom finally passed in January, and those last two months were months I hope to soon forget. There was a lot of suffering and a lot of people behaving badly. The good news was the tea in her honor was a great thing and I learned more about the many people that were in her life besides her family.

Wells Fargo is almost over, or perhaps they will find a way to extend the project, but there is some kind of rule in place now that a company can only keep a contract worker for 18 months. My contract is a year, and I'm good either way. I started Social Security last year and now have to give all of that money back...so, I have to pay 10 grand for working...ouch. 

The projects around the house are backing up, the yard is missing it's yardman, and the women in my family are hard at work on Claywerx, the family art business. They keep me going all weekend, setting up the farmer's markets and I'm now in 2 bands...not bored at all.

Seems like I'm always admiring a simpler life from a distance, and then making absolutely sure I will have no part of it....

After The Fork In The Road...Then What?

Well, I thought it could not be done, but 2016 is working on being the craziest year for me ever, workwise that is. I started the new remote job and found out just what it is like to work project to project, working as my own company, getting money and then saving it for the times when there is no work. It was great, working in shorts and t-shirt in my home office. The local wild animals outside my windows were my new co-workers and my wife got to see more of me than ever before. Lunchtimes were a walk in the local park and the morning evil commute was no longer.
Work was great, I knew how to do the job and the client had needs that I was able to take care of. No stress at all....until project #2 came along. Suddenly, the money was great, the hours were long, and no matter how hard I worked, it wasn't quite enough. I had images of the movie, Swordfish, with a gun to my head while coding, and then images of a cow hooked up to a milking machine. I did some of what I am sure is the best work I have ever done, and I'm not 100% sure that they loved it. I spent a pre-planned vacation at the beach, working 60 hours remotely on my laptop, watching the sunrises on the beach with the beginnings of the stress in my temple before the day had really begun. The best part of that week was that the ocean was totally flat, so there were no missed surfing opportunities.
The project is now over, and I have no immediate work in front of me....how do I feel about that? I forgot to mention that the last two weeks of the project were spent commuting to Tampa to the point that I now know there is probably no time after 6am in the morning that you can expect to get there from my house in less than 2 1/2 hours...in spite of the fact that google maps lists it as a hour and 50 minute commute.

I'm coming off the stress, taking way too many naps and making lists of things that need to be done around here...will I ever just relax? That remains to be seen.....

Another Big Fork In The Road

I knew that I was bad at predicting the future, at least my future. Here I am, I just gave notice on my job. What could I possibly be thinking? The best paying job I've ever had. Good boss, nice environment, friends, what else could I ask for?
And, that was the thing...I needed something big to do. I wanted to create, deliver and support. I wanted to make things that helped people do their jobs.
Instead, my job was trying to make something happen that didn't look like it was going to fly. Perhaps, someday in the future, my project will take off, but when another company offered everything I didn't have right now, it was tough to say no, and in the end, I didn't say no.
I have no idea in the world how I will feel about this 6 months from now, but at this moment, the day I gave notice, it feels like the only smart thing to do.
Clinging on to what I have, is not the way I want to live anymore. I want to reach out, take some chances, make some bold moves.
I am ready.

One Surprise After Another

I thought that 2015 was the craziest year of my life, but 2016 is already proving me wrong. There are things that I cannot write down yet, but I can easily say that I can't predict a week into the future right now. I seriously could be jobless or in my dream job of all time very soon. And...either outcome seems quite possible. Normal sleep is a thing of the past.
This is an example: Yesterday I was asked to present at a small meeting for someone I hadn't met before. I'm starting to get used to this. I go in and like some kind of cross between a salesman and a computer wizard, show them what I can do, and how quickly I can do it with live data right in front of them. Most people in my field are more interested in how they can stretch things out, make a career out of a project. Me? I want to make some money and then go surfing.
So, I'm doing the presentation and the guy seems halfway interested, and my champion in the room tells him I'm the best and can do anything. The stranger seems skeptical, but in the end asks the question, "How much is this gonna cost me?" I tell him, it's a couple of thousand bucks, but we can try cheaper things first to show you what it can do...he goes, "No, I need 100 licenses..."
That probably doesn't sound like anything, but I was hoping to get him to spring for "3".....
If he approves 100 licenses, my world is upside for as long as I can imagine..

January 2016 and There's Another Crossroads

Here it is again, that unforeseeable future looming. There is no way in the world that I can predict what I will be doing a few months from now, but it will not be the same old thing for sure. Work is exciting, music is on the back burner again, and the weather is up and down enough to not make big plans for the weekends. I recently had one of the best surfing days, and it was totally unexpected. A dark gloomy day with wind...who could imagine that I would have a good surf session on a day like that?
Work is shorts bursts of excitement, followed by long periods of boredom. The job market seems to be heating up and my skills are now in demand.
There is this image in my mind of me floating on my back down a river. Do I thank the water for carrying me so soothingly through time, or do I thank the boulders that bruise my head and body? The boulders are the bad bosses I've had through the years, and the naysayers that kept reminding me that I wasn't as sharp as I thought I was. Sure, the boulders didn't have my best interests at heart, but that is what I needed to wake up and see where I was going in life.
Thank you guys, wherever you are now, for getting me to this place..